Maybe we should settle it with a productivity dance off; each guru will step into a middle manager's shoes and we will see who can free him of the tyranny of circular email and voicemail rat holes. Heres the nasty little secret...most people spend more time learning to be productive than actually being productive.

I have a ground breaking new productivity ethos...the gist of it "Don't Do Anything!". Have a memo that needs to be typed up by tomorrow but you don't have time..."Don't do Anything!" Chances are no one would read it or follow it anyway. See my ethos is doubly productive; not only did you save yourself time, but you also saved the wasted time of your entire audience. The sad truth is that many folks could probably have great success with this particular philosophy for a good 6 months before anyone would notice. So the next time you have to make a tough decision...remember my new dogma,"Don't do anything!" Say it with me Folks! It just feels right.


Alarm Clocks--4/20/2007
More precisely the razor sharp sound wave of an alarm clock cleaving my peaceful somewhat lucid dreams. What cosmic karma anus does that sound emanate from? All at once it signals the end of a warm fuzzy feeling and opens of the floodgates of stress that is the real life. It could be the most annoying buzzer or the sounds of waves whispering against the sands...it makes no difference. It's not the sound it's the psychological trigger that kills me. Are there alarm clocks in third world countries?


Toilet Flush Shower Scald--4/19/20
A woman can run a marathon on a treadmill at the spacestation... has been hippies can drive cars that run on both electricity and combustion...yet every time my wife flushes the toilet or turns on the faucet while I shower...I get scalded. Lets forget for just a second about using science to solve the mysteries of the cosmos and fix global warmning...can we spare a few engineers to figure out my damn plumbing!


The Stomach Flu--4/18/2007
Damn you stomach flu...your unholy alliance with "the white throne" has cost me days of my life and hours upon hours of lost sunshine. While the rest of the frozen chosen in Minneapolis were out and about recharging their solar batteries...you had me beaten down. Your firm grasp only allowed me respite of the couch, the bed, and the bath....damn you stomach flu you are the true Bed, Bath and Beyond!


Trucker Hats---4/15/2007
Trucker hats are not cool, no matter what you saw on the grammys or in the latest Abercrombie & Fitch Catalog. Trucker hats were maybe cool for a flash or one particular nanosecond of fashion history...but like Hawaiian and hypercolor shirts their time has come. And don't think that you can substitute one of those short brimmed camo numbers...unless of course you are a cuban communist...then by all means rock on.


Snow in April---4/12/2007
What kind of BS is this...just two weeks ago I was sitting on a bar rooftop patio in Uptown Minneapolis and drinking Stella while embracing the warm rays of my favorite star. Today I'm putting on a sweater over which I will wear a coat and I have to scrape my damn windshield. I'm through dealing with the shitty traffic and slipping traction of winter.... I'm looking at you old man winter....do you see the one finger solute...give me back my sunshine and Stella!


Time---4/09/2007
I think that there may in fact be...wait for it: no "the man". Thats right, instead I'm fairly sure the man is actually the concept of time. Never enough of it, except when you have too much of it. The only thing I hate more than being short of time is having too much "waiting". I wish I could just ditch my watches and deadlines and live life at whatever pace I want to set. "When will I have those TPS reports completed?" How about when you'll get them when I finish them James.


Magic Eye Posters---4/06/2007
Dang those stupid magic eye pictures. You've seen them around christmas they always show up at a kiosk at the mall. Why should I have totry extra hard (and look like an ass while doing it) to see a picture of a unicorn, mickey mouse, or smiley face. What a letdown!
--submitted by Melody L

Wainting Rooms---4/03/2007
I hate waiting rooms, as I write this post I am sitting in one; waiting! It has 60 some chairs, a good 25 magazine subscriptions and at least seven extremely bored people. Please lord make the Cat Stevens stop...make it stop! Why in the eff, in this day an age would you have a waiting room with out a television, and wireless internet. The magazine subscription to Cat fancy alone ought to cover the cost. A big one handed clap to whomever is responsible for naming it the "waiting room"...nice one buddy. You could have called it the productivity zone, thought collective, hell even the lobby is better...but no, lets go with the "Waiting" room, real nice.



Moving---4/02/2007
Nothing makes you take stock of how much crap you have accumulated like moving. Do I really need the fake ming dynasty statue? Where did all these clothes come from? How come I decided living on the second floor was a good idea? I hate moving, in a perfect world...when ever you move you would just start clean; furniture, never really liked it that much anyways. Chances are your wardrobe could use a refresh? Problem is moving is effen expensive so you feel like throwing anything out would be foolish...ahh the movers conundrum.



Laundry--- While I'm on this "in a perfect world" rant, lets address one other thing: laundry. I hate doing laundry,what with the waiting and the folding, frankly I would rather go to the dentist. I'll know that my life has been successful when I no longer am bothered with trivial matters such as laundry and brushing my own teeth. I don't know if a wear once policy is acceptable among the environmentally conscience folks...so I guess its a laundry service for me.