Canterbury Craft Show - Prepare for the end..

Ladies and gentlemen, I have seen hell on earth...and it was wearing a Coldwater Creek sweater.

I had the day off today and I thought what the hey...might as well hang out with the folks, it will be cheap and god knows with the holidays coming up I could stand to save some money. They swung by the pad and picked me up. What I hadn't counted on was the diversion that they had planned.

www.hpifestivals.com

My mom was dead set on going to some craft show at Canterbury Park...I thought; can't be that bad, I can just duck out, grab a bear and play the ponies. Boy was I wrong...the minute we reached the parking lot I realized what I was in for. Row after Row of Suburbans, Subarus and Minivans....one-by-one I saw them streaming into a gigantic tent of doom. They wore acid washed mom jeans and cable knit sweaters. I was outnumbered...outgunned....I pushed to the right past the cinnamon flavored nuts...past the hand painted plaquards pronouncing their love for sweet baby jesus. Just when I thought I was a gonner I saw it: my salvation, glowing like a far off lighthouse I saw the familiar blue glow of a Miller light sign.

Sweet mercy they had beer.....sweet life giving water of the gods. I grabbed a pretzel and an ice cold miller lite, after swatting away a menopausal soccermom looking at bath salts...I had finally found my salvation. I sat in a corner of the exhibition hall nursing my beer and trying to figure it all out. What made these women swoon for this crap...why did they need another hand painted coffee mug or another bar of handmade lavendar soap? What drove these Lutheran women of modest means to splurge on such absolute junk?

Luckily for me my mother had soon had enough as well and we were able to claw our way through the hand knit toaster cozies and back into civilization. Beware of the cult of the craft...stay far far away. If you don't soon you'll look into a drawer in your kitchen...and be amazed by just how many hotpads you have; you only have two hands....don't you????